I see a lot of trends online lately where people document themselves going back home after being overseas for a few years, surprising the families and the people they had left behind. I see a lot of these videos coming out of Pakistan, sometimes India too, and watching them really makes me reflect.
The truth is, I have nobody left to surprise anymore.
Maybe twenty eight years ago when I first came here from Pakistan, that would have been possible. But today, I have nobody left to go back to who misses me the way those parents miss their children, or the way those brothers, sisters, and old friends miss each other in those clips. My father passed away. I wish I could see him just one more time, but I know deep down that’s not possible anymore. My sister and I talk frequently, but she is busy with her life, her children, and her husband. And it’s the exact same on my end; I am busy with my own life and my family.
You reach a certain point in life where you realize the relationships you have now are not the ones you had at one point. The friends you have today are not the friends you had back then. The city you visit is no longer the city you left behind. Everything has changed; everything has moved on.
When you reach this middle age; your mid-40s or early 50s, you start looking around for things that are simply not there anymore. Things that are long gone. You wish they were still there; you wish with all your heart that you could go back to them, but that’s just not how it works.
Life moves on. People move on. Everybody moves on. Maybe I moved on too, but there is still a part of me that longs for what used to be, what was once ours, and it’s hard accepting that it is just not there anymore.
